Tag: women

Defining Moments

This past Friday I had the honor and the pleasure of attending an induction ceremony and tea for a girls organization that I had the privilege to help start as well as advise when I was a teacher at my previous school. The organization, P.I.N.K. (Positive Influence Nurtures Knowledge), was originally created by a wise and beautiful woman at a local elementary school, and one of her old members begged my friend to start a chapter at our middle school a few years ago. I heard about the idea and jumped right on board, and the rest is history. Being an adviser for P.I.N.K. was one of the most rewarding things that I have done in my adult life (kind of like parenting but to 30-40 young ladies at one time).

This year we were inducting 20 new members, and I was so excited to be on the other side of the table, not the one putting everything together, but as a speaker on a panel coming to encourage and impart wisdom to the new and old members.  I didn’t plan a speech or anything of that sort because I knew that once the conversations at these events start, they just keep rolling seamlessly.

We had gotten to our Q&A session of the tea when one of the young ladies, after hearing stories of the challenges and hard times that we had all overcome, asked a very thought provoking question. She asked  “In order to grow in life will there have to be more bad times than good?”  Apparently in conveying our stories, we had given her the impression that in order to it make to where we were as guest panelists and successful women, that life would have to be more hard than easy, more bad than good. Two other presenters spoke up before I could, and because we were running short on time, I didn’t have the chance to respond. But here is what I wanted her to know. Maybe she’ll get the chance to read this some day.

No, there will not be more hard times than easy and more bad than good. It’s really all about your perspective of and approach to life each and every day. When I look back over my life, I can definitely point out more happy than sad days, more laughter and smiles than tears, more peaceful moments than those spent in pain.

The bad days or hard times cannot be avoided and yes, they do help us to grow. It’s all in our responses to these moments that can make all the difference in our lives. 

We can grow from “good” moments as well. For example, if something that you’ve tried to do turns out positively, you’ll repeat the process to continue to get good results. You will learn through that process. You will grow.

However, the moments that seem to have the biggest impacts are those hard times or what I will call the defining moments of our lives. I believe that the reason most of us point these moments out when giving wisdom to others, the reason why they stick out in our minds the most, is because they are the moments that change us the most, the moments that truly make us who God created us to be.

These defining moments stick out because we are usually in a make or break situation where the decision we make or the lesson we learn will have a lasting impact on our lives. 

They can be the beginning of a chapter of our lives that will lead us to success or even the ending to one that will take us away from negative things such as a toxic relationship.

The reason we are so eager to share these stories is because we don’t want you to be blindsided by them. If we came in and told you that life would be all unicorns and rainbows, you’d be mad at us when it didn’t turn out that way.

Defining moments often come as a surprise. They interrupt your normal life. They may even knock you off your feet. But I dare you to do this. I dare you to welcome these moments and use them for the learning experiences that they are meant to be. Let them be temporary interruptions and not how your story ends. That way you can add words such as courageous, strong, bold, wise, indomitable to your list of words you use to describe yourself.

We want you to be prepared and understand and remember that this too shall pass. That you will come out on the other side of this stronger than you’d ever thought you would be and that one day, you will be standing in front of a room of young ladies, or on the phone with one, or holding your own daughter’s hand as you tell your story of overcoming adversity, so that she will understand that the strong, beautiful, positive, successful woman that she knows wasn’t created overnight.

But she also wasn’t defeated by the storms of life. If anything, she always found a way to come out on top. That is our humble prayer for you and why we are here today. So that you may always come out on top. 

 

 

 

 

 

…So Plan Accordingly

We all live pretty hectic lives, but I feel women are especially focused on and stressed by all of the day-to-day tasks that need to be accomplished. Whether we are wives or mothers or single ladies or career women, we all attempt to have it “all together.” In the midst of this, many things get overlooked, forgotten, pushed aside. Our perpetual to-do lists are constantly on our minds as we race back and forth from place to place, appointment to appointment all the while neglecting the things that are truly important to us, the things that make us feel like women, that make us happy, that give us our sanity. We struggle with how to organize it all so that all of it (or most of it) can actually get completed each day.

One way that I’ve learned to try to “get it all done” is by taking time to plan out my days, my weeks, and my months while taking time to reflect on how well they went, what I could have done better, what I need to change, and what I should continue doing. I’ve used many different planners to try to achieve this, but none of them took into account one matter that has become more and more important to me within the past few years: my faith. I know some people are wondering how a planner can help with my faith. Well, it’s my pleasure to explain.

Since I switched to my Sanctuary Girl Faith Planner, my life has changed. For a while, my relationship and time with God were separate from my daily to-do list. It was almost as if it that time was something separate from my “real” life. However, since getting my planner, my perception has changed. With this planner, I cannot write my plans for the day without noticing the columns indicating whether or not I have spent time that day journaling, reading my devotional(s), reading my Bible, and praying. If you enjoy utilizing a planner as much as I do, you’ll understand that there is a sense of satisfaction in being able to check off or cross something off your to-do list; seeing that little check mark or that line drawn through the task is (excuse the expression) a high for me. Knowing that I have checked off those four columns each day makes me feel even better than usual because I know that that represents quality time spent with God, time that sets the tone for the rest of my day, preparing me to deal with the other items on my to-do list or situations that I may have to face. That time is not something separate from the rest of my life; it’s an integral part of it. (more…)

Perfect Imperfections

Growing up, I was often teased about the size of my full lips. Occasionally in school, I was called Big Lips (I know, so original), and made to feel not necessarily like I was ugly, just that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. I was pretty well-known and well-liked in school, but my voluptuous lips always seemed to grab the attention of kids who apparently did not approve of their size. Of course, as a child and even a teenager, I allowed their unkind words to get into my head, turning something that should have been a source of pride into an insecurity, and I actually began to despise my full lips. I still remember aggressively scrubbing off the lipstick my mother made me wear so my dad could snap a few pictures before my eighth-grade prom. No way was I going to show up to my school with my huge lips smeared with red lipstick, drawing all kinds of unwanted attention. No thanks, Mom, I’m good. No clown jokes tonight.

Another memory is that of my seventh-grade school picture that I detested and that my grandmother loved. I remember cringing inside as I watched, horrified, her proudly propping up the picture frame, putting it on display in her living room for all the world to see. She adored that picture of her “pretty, little grandbaby.” In my mind, it was the ugliest picture I had ever taken, one that needed to be burned and forgotten.

Seriously, if I wanted to, I could sit here and type a long drawn out list of my perceived flaws and a ton of stories about how they’ve negatively impacted my life. I could go on and on about what’s “wrong” with me and how I could possibly correct them. But why do that? As women, we spend entirely too much time mulling over and dissecting our flaws as if there will be an award given out for the woman who can name the highest number of things she perceives to be wrong with herself. “And the award goes to (insert name here), for being the most ashamed of the way she looks! You win the Low Self-Esteem Award!” Nope. Nope. Nope. Sorry.

Ladies, this just makes no sense. No one is perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT. Have you not seen the videos of the flawless makeup application turning an “ordinary” woman into a bombshell? Do you not know anything about plastic surgery (nips, tucks, injections, lifts)? Have you not heard of angles and lighting and shadows and filters used to enhance pictures? The “perfection” that you see on other women is just an illusion, not some gold standard that you should use to measure yourself. Not to say that some women don’t have beautiful shapes or flawless skin or perfect teeth. However, the one or two “perfections” about that other woman that you fixate on only serve to distract you from everything that is perfect about you. Why give so much time and energy worrying about how someone else looks? Why spend time obsessing over how beautiful someone else is? Why try to change everything about yourself that makes you unique in order to fit in with a bunch of unrealistic expectations about what makes a woman beautiful and worthy of praise?

The world will have us thinking that in order to be beautiful, we must be able to check everything off on a long list of attributes, and if even one of them is missing, then we must fix it or go into hiding, too ashamed or embarrassed to show our face. We all know how it is. You give a woman a compliment and she will promptly deflect it, using her ninja moves to bat it away, quickly pointing out a reason why she doesn’t deserve that compliment. Me? Pretty? Oh, no sir. Have you seen how big my nose is? My hair is such a mess, and I need to lose another 10 pounds. Straight foolishness. (more…)